


say what's on your mind, for i won't run away

by dedueitwithmustard



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional bonding, Implied/Referenced Biphobia, M/M, fuck miklan, they were roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:13:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23183056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dedueitwithmustard/pseuds/dedueitwithmustard
Summary: Felix, troubled by the death of his older brother, goes off to boarding school and meets Sylvain, who he thinks could be the answer.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	say what's on your mind, for i won't run away

Felix hadn’t meant for it to turn out this way. Felix was a planner; ever since he was a toddler, he’s tried to make plans for himself. He loved when adults would ask him where he saw himself in the future. He used to be able to answer them with such ease, listing every single detail of his soon-to-be life. His peers and teachers alike would be in awe. He’d eagerly tell his brother, who he’d run all his plans by, since Glenn was his biggest fan. Glenn would tell Felix that his plans would work out, since so many people believed in him, and Felix would feel a blossoming warmth in his chest, a huge, gap-toothed grin spreading across his boyish features as he embraced his brother. To have his brother by his side was always part of his plan. 

Then, Glenn died, and suddenly there was no more warmth.

Felix tried not to let it affect the blueprints. He told himself that was the last thing Glenn would have wanted. He tried not to let the depression get to him, so he turned it into anger. He shoved down his feelings of guilt and grief into a deep pit in his stomach, and kept them there. He made sure that people only saw a boy who was only focused on his work, and nothing else. His father tried to fish the angst out of him, throwing therapy as bait in the lake of Felix’s mind, but he refused to bite. Instead of trying to cope with the vexing feelings of losing what felt like the only person who ever tried to reach out and help Felix, he turned his sadness into anger. Lots of hot, uncomfortable animosity that manifested itself into a persona that screamed, “Fuck you! Don’t touch me, don’t think about me, don’t even look at me.”

Felix lashed out at everyone. He didn’t care if Ingrid and Dimitri, his two closest friends since birth, were just trying to see if he was okay; he lashed out at them and told them to get lost. He didn’t care if teachers sent him to the front office to get scolded by the Headmistress, he’d just cuss at her, too. And, he really didn’t care if it was his father: he just felt like part of his little boy had died along too with his precious Glenn. Maybe it was because Felix saw too much of Glenn’s face in his dad’s, or maybe it was because his father was Glenn’s face in his. 

It was late one October night when Felix decided that he had had enough. He needed a change of pace. He didn’t want anyone coddling anymore just because Glenn was gone. He didn’t want people to treat him like a broken toy, that with care and love he could be repaired. He didn’t need to be repaired. He needed to get lost, just like he told everyone in his life to. So, for the first time in years, he was frank with his Father. 

“I can’t stay here anymore.” 

Felix didn’t argue when his father told him that his only option was sending him off to the Academy of Gaspard, the 100-something year old boarding school near the old Empire, hours away from the suburbs of Ferdinand where he had grown up. In Florida, Gaspard had a reputation for housing the kids with all sorts of problems who were “too dangerous” to attend schools in the capital. Felix never bought it as a kid, but now, it did feel like he sort of fit that bill. He was packed up the next week, and his Father drove him out there. 

Since Felix was such a late enrollment, he’d been set up with a roommate, which the school actively tried to avoid due to some students not taking well to others. Felix wasn’t very fond of the idea, but he assumed that his dorm partner wouldn’t try to talk to him as long as he kept up his act of not wanting anything to do with anyone. Rodrigue walked Felix up to his room, helping him with the small boxes of his belongings. The view from Felix’s window showed a grey lake with a few fire pits around it, as well as a few courts where upperclassmen were playing various games. Felix was surprised that he found it calming. 

“Well, those are the last of the boxes,” Rodrigue said, glancing in Felix’s direction, “I’ll be going, son. Keep in touch if you need anything, and remember to write Ingrid. She’d be a mess if she didn’t know how you were keeping up.”  
Felix turned to look at his father, whose back was against the wooden dresser on the side of the room opposite Felix’s. He had the same beauty mark below the corner of his left eye that Glenn did.

Felix hummed, “Sure. I’ll see you at holiday break. Don’t forget to eat… and, thank you for getting me here. I’ll write to you.”

Rodrigue’s eyes widened, at Felix’s reminder, “I won’t, son. I promise I won’t. Thank you, Felix.”

Felix didn’t know what brought on his urge to show gratitude, but he wasn’t going to ponder on it. He decided that he did it to hold his dad over until he saw him next. 

_It’s the least I can do after causing all this trouble._

__Sometimes he would look back on the times his dad would kiss his forehead before bed, and he would wonder what would happen if he’d do the same now. But, he ignored it, and put his mask back on. He had work to do, planning out how the rest of his life there would go. But, Felix knew what Rodrigue took a shard of his son’s mask back with him to Fhirdiad._ _

__It was around nine at night when Felix heard the doorknob of his room turn from the other side. He didn’t sit up from his bunk bed, but he made sure that he was looking at the doorway from the corner of his eye. A tall boy, maybe a year or two Felix’s senior, walked into the room, a single large box in his hands. He walked in and pressed his back up against the door. He placed his box down by his bed. The boy huffed out a shaky breath, sat down on his bed, and began to sob quietly into his hands. Felix felt like he was interrupting something, so he shifted onto his side and pulled the his black blanket over his head, trying to shrink as to not be seen when the boy picked his head up. Nevertheless, the boy heard the movement of his sheets, and shifted his eyes over to Felix’s cocoon. He quickly wiped his eyes, rubbing the salty drops from his eyes away._ _

__“Shit, so sorry, I didn’t see you there,” he stammered, looking over at Felix sheepishly, who took the blanket off of his head to get a better look at the boy across the tiny room from him. He was met with orange hair that fell over honey brown eyes that shone in the gentle moonlight. The boy had freckles that were dotted on his face, almost symmetrically. His eyelashes were long and wet, and his brow was furrowed. His smile didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m Sylvain. You?”_ _

__“Felix. What’s wrong with you?” Felix didn’t know why he was asking._ _

__Sylvain let out a tired laugh, like he’d heard that question one too many times. Felix knew the feeling._ _

__“Oh, you know, saying goodbye to family can be hard,” he looked out the window and saw the same grey lake Felix saw. He had a sharp jaw, and a cut on his neck._ _

__“How’d you get that?” Felix asked, pointing at the scar._ _

__“My brother used to pound on me when we were kids,” another laugh, “He was always a bit of an asshole, that one. But, it doesn’t hurt anymore. How come you ask so many questions?”_ _

__Felix got off his bed and went over to the window to sit again. The fire pits were open, and he saw a group of girls sitting around one, roasting marshmallows._ _

__“I usually don’t. You just started crying and I didn’t want to make it weird. I didn’t know what else to do, since I don’t really cry,”_ _

__“What do you mean you don’t cry? Everyone does,”_ _

__“I haven’t cried in years. I just don’t do it.” Felix also didn’t open up to anyone, especially strangers who he just met._ _

__Sylvain walked over to sit across from him near the window. He saw the girls too. Felix wondered if Sylvain liked going after girls. Maybe Ingrid would like Sylvain. Sylvain and Glenn would’ve probably been around the same height. Felix hated thinking about how he was older than Glenn ever got the chance to be._ _

__The two sat in silence for a moment, watching the moon’s shine on the lake’s shallow currents._ _

__“So, why are you here? Gotta be some reason you enrolled late like me,” Sylvain asked, shifting his body to face Felix._ _

__“Needed to get away from my town. Too much grief there,” he saw that the red in Sylvain’s eyes was starting to go away._ _

__“I get the grief thing. My folks found out I wasn’t straight and kicked me out of their house. But, they need to keep me in school cause my asshole brother’s not around to take care of the family business after I get a fucking master’s degree. It’s a real shitty fucking situation. That’s the real reason I was crying.”_ _

__Felix told his dad he was gay on a drive home from a detention so he wouldn’t have to talk about what happened. His dad asked him if that was why he had acted out, and Felix said yes to avoid any further conversation. Felix’s mother had a wife and another child whom Felix never saw, so he knew it would be a safe way to get out of a confrontation._ _

__“I knew you weren’t just having trouble saying goodbye. No one sighs so dramatically after closing a door if they’re just homesick.”_ _

__Sylvain laughed, and Felix felt how real it was through the butterflies that went fluttered his own chest. He had no idea what the fuck that meant, so he just kept looking at Sylvain for good measure._ _

__“Read me like a book. Well, what about you? What’s the damage?” Sylvain asked, brushing his ginger hair out of his face._ _

__“My brother died years ago and I haven’t talked about it once since. I’ve shut everyone out, too,” he exhaled, “And I’m not sure why I’m telling you, a guy I just met, that, but I think that this might be a good place to start making it better.”_ _

__Sylvain looked at him, earnest glossed over his eyes. Something in Felix sparked. He decided he needed more of his eyes, to look at him, and _tell him it’s okay to open up. _Felix scooted just a little closer.___ _

____“Damn, you know what? I think I’ll try too. Want to hear about my brother?”_ _ _ _

____Felix decided he’d change his plans a little bit. He wanted to trust Sylvain. If it meant more butterflies, he’d do it. He thought Glenn would’ve done the same for Ingrid. It was almost like he could feel Glenn cheering him on in the back of his mind. Sylvain’s eyes were earnest pools of honey._ _ _ _

____Felix hadn’t planned for any of this. But, for Sylvain? He could make it work._ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> thank u so much for reading this !!! i haven't written in so so long but i'm really excited about this project! i might write some more of this au because its rlly cute and i like sylvix,, heheh. kudos n comments always so appreciated !


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